Staying Connected While Letting Go by Sandy Braff & Mary Rose Olenik

Author:Sandy Braff & Mary Rose Olenik
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781590772850
Publisher: M. Evans & Company

Thelma

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During my six-month visit with Thelma, she explained how initially unwilling and unsure she was in assuming her husband’s role. However, adapting to new tasks out of necessity had changed her life.

It was only after Gray bounced a couple of checks that I began my new “career” as (FO of our household. Until then, and for the last forty years, I hadn’t even been a co-signee on any banking accounts. I was worried sick and had no confidence in my ability to take over the finances, which included our personal stocks, retirement account, and taxes. We’d been talking for years about updating our will and trust but never got to that either. Unfortunately, Gray does not have a living will and at that time I didn’t even have Durable Power of Attorney. In searching for reasons to feel optimistic, all I could think of was that I was always pretty good in math in high school. Don’t laugh! You have to start somewhere. I soon found that the checkbook was easy. The children were encouraging and helped me outline what steps I needed to take. For the first time in our marriage, I talked to our accountant, lawyer, and financial advisor. I took my time and asked many questions and actually understood most of what they were talking about.

Slowly, with their help, I got everything in good order. It was a real sense of accomplishment and quite a relief. Much to my amazement, the money management fascinated me. Through an adult education program, I took a class on retirement investments and then a class on the stock market. I surprised myself with my competence and how much fun I was having. Now I meet regularly with our broker to discuss our portfolio and actually make joint decisions on my purchases.

For the first sixty-five years of my life, my role as a female was defined for me by societal expectations. My goal was to marry well and to be a good homemaker and mother. That experience has been invaluable in becoming a nurturing, patient, and competent caregiver to Gray. It has been an astounding leap for me to traverse that indelible gender line and function competently in what was defined in my generation as strictly a male domain.

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